Thursday, September 20, 2012

My Greatest "Beyond"

I have always written about what is inspiring me at any given moment. Events, times, and places that land themselves on my personal docket and are only appeased when addressed through the written word.

Up until recently my literary inspiration had been driven by travel associated with work, and hence, a blog was born. Previous to that the food and beverage world drove my observational pontificating and thus the parent blog was born.

But here I am today immersed in new parenthood and understandably inspired and driven with a completely different set of flammable inspirations. But where do I put them?
I certainly do not want to start a new blog and traverse all the terrain that comes with that....the set-up, the followers, the shameless promotion in a different direction. It also stands to reason that I will continue to be inspired later by imminent travel and even food and beverage fodder, so the previous platforms will still breathe life, and then it dawns on me...I so eloquently (accidentally) foreshadowed this change of direction when I included the word "Beyond" in the title of this blog.

Beyond is such a wonderfully versatile word, that while originally intended to represent future foreign lands, can now be used at my bidding.

So now I find myself at my greatest beyond in the truest sense of the word.
-Beyond the original scope of my imagination
-Beyond the previous definition of thresholds
-Beyond my capacity to love another human as much

11 days ago I was thrust into parenthood for the first time. As a planned induction, one would think that pre-planning might eliminate the guessing game. Wrong!

Nobody/nothing, and I assume this goes back to the beginning of time, can prepare you for the emotional flood that comes with your babies first cry of life.
This moment has been documented and dissected ad nauseum and will continue to be for as long as life is created, but I imagine it is different for everybody.

For me it was the realization that a new boss has arrived. The commanding presence that a tiny helpless being can have is remarkable. They are unable to do or say anything yet the first and continually uttered thought is "yes master. your will be done". Subservience has never felt so right.

That moment that my friend told me I would have, when you get home and your wife is asleep and you are left holding this 7lb sleeping cherub. You look around and realize in a silent flood that there are no nurses, doctors, paramedics or police around you. It is silent and for the rest of your time on this planet this "thing" will consume your every other thought daily. You realize that everything you previously knew about your personal parameters of love has just been scrapped and re-written. For at least a little while routines are to be considered futile, and you know in your soul that you have never been more frightened, unsure and excited about anything in your life previous.
 When the past dictates that anything remotely similar might cause you to just run but you know that there is no "do overs" with this. No putting it back. No return(s).
Then you are comforted with the overwhelming understanding that can only come with personal submission and you know that everything you have been in your past is gone and now this is what you do...I am a Dad... that's it... that's all, and you look at the clock, ready and waiting for what the next 10 minutes will hold.